Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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