Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
