I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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