I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
