you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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