My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
