I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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