the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
