she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
