I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
