Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
