Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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