My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my poor anus
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
