thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
