This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
