Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
