Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize