He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
