Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
