Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
