My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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