I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
