You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
