So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize