i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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