He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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