My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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