I can't watch pbs sober anymore
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize