pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
