he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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