I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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