he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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