I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
