Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
