soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
