Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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