covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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