I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
