Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
two words: eviction party
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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