i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
