Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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