if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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