already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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