the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
