Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
