STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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