If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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