Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
