maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
