I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
