my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
