What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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