Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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