Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
