I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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