We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
