That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
