Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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