You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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