And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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