i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
