i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
