my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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