ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
