It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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