i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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