Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
