everyone is single if you try hard enough
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
