You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
