dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
