I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
