So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?