Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants