you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"