i don't plan on having that self control this summer
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime